You're so nebulous sometimes
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
