I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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