I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
