Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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