I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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