I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
