We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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