so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
