I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize