No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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