Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
