I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
