ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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