alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
