I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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