I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
