So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
