it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize