Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
