I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The power of my boobs compel you
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
