She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
