Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
