grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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