I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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