No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
