I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
