none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
