I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
