i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
