Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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