hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
