Heybabeimwearingurpanties
birth control should be required to get into college
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
