Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize