wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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