i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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