i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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