My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
