The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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