He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize