if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
