The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize