Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
