Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
