He is an equal opportunity slut.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
