remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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