worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
