now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
