I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
