Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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