I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
