we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
