I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
