wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
