actually, I'm a sock model
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
