Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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