Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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