Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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