DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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