I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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