I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
