I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
