you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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