what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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