I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
