Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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