So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sorry about my life...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
