The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
