Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
