Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is wine microwaveable?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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