So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
