I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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