i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
