whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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