Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
