I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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