After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
